Adaptive Performance

Agoraphobia

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My non-linear performance idea, which came about after much thought and experimentation, was based on my fear of death and the juxtaposition of connectivity with the natural world. The goal was to use spontaneous sonic movement and abstract textures to evoke a sense of unease and instability for the listener. As part of the brief, I had to use Ableton Live; with this, I wanted to experiment with VCV Rack (a modular synthesis platform for generative, unpredictable patterns) and Ableton's Simpler and Granulator devices for working with sample-based textures and field recordings. Throughout the project, I served as both a performer and a programmer by activating loops, MIDI events, and sequences with an AKAI MPK Mini at random intervals to maintain the freshness of the sound. Even though the composition structure was largely set for the basis of the piece, each playback featured changes in the micro-details thanks to the improvisation and generative elements. My phone camera captured the AKAI controller interface during the screen-recorded performance assessment.

Research was crucial to conveying the desired mood, which was heavily influenced by experimental sound artist Gravemere's use of granular textures and noise to convey psychological states, which matched my sonic investigation into conveying nature in a new way. After finding Gravemere, I reached out to set up an interview via Instagram, and I was fascinated to learn that their sound design process, while sharing a foundational simplicity akin to my own, was uniquely applied in a way I hadn't considered, enabling the creation of such complex and intricate musical material. After the interview, I started experimenting with some of their methods, like pitch shifting, higher-frequency audio, and time stretching, on my sounds to generate ideas for where and how I wanted to begin. "They typically stretch pitched sounds to two to five minutes long, then take clips from these and layer synths on top," Gravemere explained. Even though our sampling methods were different, I found their viewpoint liberating. They continued by telling me they had been approached by filmmakers and game designers and had not perceived their sound like the descriptions provided by others of being horror-orientated; as to my own interpretation, I found their sound to resemble nature's unheard voice more, emphasising atonal percussion over melody and defying expectations. This style is best represented by their composition "Sickly Dark Waste."

Additionally, my research covered ambient noise, dark ambient, and modular synthesis cultures, where real-time manipulation and unpredictable outcomes are essential creative tools (Collins, 2008; Emmerson, 2007). Drawing on electroacoustic and acousmatic traditions where sound objects take precedence over traditional form, I refocused on generative patches within VCV Rack for evolving soundscapes without manual input after originally wanting audience interaction through live sound recording into Ableton to then be fed into a premade effects chain to warp and distort the texture (Wishart, 1996; Roads, 2015).

Sleep Token’s “Caramel,” a song about anxiety and the fear of being unmasked, was another significant source of inspiration, as it is heavily theorised that the reason the band is anonymous is due to the lead singer’s stage fright. I found that this mirrored my own experience with anxiety, both during one of their concerts and in my daily life as a university student. My sampling and distortion of the song were influenced by this intensely personal connection, making the piece feel complimentary enough to reflect my emotions. My preference for recording over live performance was also influenced by my relationship with anxiety, as the former allows for time and control while the latter can lead to intense self-criticism over the effectiveness of my piece, as it is an unconventional performance in its storytelling.

My neurodivergence, particularly ADHD, has affected my creativity process through my somewhat perfectionism tendencies; time management issues, and challenged me to strike a balance between spontaneity and structure. This can be impeded by my impulsivity, which may be reflected in the fact that many of my nonlinear pieces naturally divide into two contrasting parts. During my experimentation with Ableton's Simpler device, I was compelled to venture beyond my comfort zone in search of sounds that evoked discomfort, often leading to the creation of multiple tracks and samples.

Throughout the project, my design thinking involved determining a set performance duration based on the generative sound's sample duration to fill the time in a coherent manner and keep it closer to the allocated time. I came across surprising effects by delaying Sleep Token's vocals, which were transformed into more of a bubbly synth sound. It was difficult to stay motivated, but some of the sound design choices in this piece were influenced by work on other assignments, especially by my analogue horror linear sound design project with its droning textures and deep frequencies. I produced a distorted tape-like effect using an arpeggiated synth with pitch and speed modulation to represent my feeling of drowning in thoughts as an emotional reflection in sound.

I wanted one of my own goals of this piece to be finding my own artistic voice. After engaging with artists I admire, I recognise that I still have much searching to do, but the project brought me closer to expressing the interpretation of the soundscape in my mind. Distorting Caramel’s vocals was a way for me to express my feelings of confusion and receive support through the songs meaning. I felt exposed when I recorded this work, as I frequently questioned its calibre to meet the brief as well as how I felt it portrayed my own inner conflict. To better convey the physical toll of these emotions, I would prefer more manual, hands-on performance by designing my own instruments and synthesizers.

To overcome my perfectionism traits, I resorted to using random generative systems, which felt more like having assisted control than losing it. When I find myself going back to a project after a while, listening to previous decisions can cause a distaste or the desire to make significant revisions to my work, but it has also provided a starting point for fresh concepts. My hope for the piece is that it invites listeners into my perspective of neurodivergence by expressing the everyday experience of anxiety and complexity of everyday life. As I always look for new ways to sonically express my inner experiences, I feel this theme, or aspects of the sound design process, will come up in my later work.

I integrated my AKAI MPK Mini controller to utilise functions within both VCV Rack, and Ableton Live. The unpredictable melodic and rhythmic fragments I produced by VCV Rack's sequencing were layered with Ableton-processed samples to design a full spectrum of audio elements. I sourced environmental sounds, distorted vocals, and synth tutorials online that I later transformed with some sounds processed in Logic Pro before importing them into the set. Ableton's Simpler and sample warp features enabled me to chop, stretch, and granularly retexture the sounds. To produce eerie textures, the Sleep Token sample was processed using a vocoder, which I then chained with the hybrid reverb, delay, and erosion effects to make the lyrics inaudible until my choosing through MIDI mapping of my MPK Mini. I also used the MPK Mini to trigger samples on a drum track that had various modulations and arpeggiators to individually distort the textures. The VCV Rack's random voltage sources created organic variation by modulating rhythm and timbre.

My primary obstacle was my lack of experience with Ableton and the initial audience interaction plan, which later became unfeasible in the allotted time. By concentrating on generative patch design and built-in effects, I was able to overcome these and create a non-linear piece through a controlled structure. These limitations sparked innovative experimentation and groundbreaking findings, which I eventually felt resulted in a sonically cohesive piece. The performance was videotaped, which eliminated the constraints of the venue and the audience while maintaining the sense of live interaction through generative elements and hardware control.

As I think back on the project, I see how my neurodivergence effects my workflow and yet amplifies the piece's emotional resonance as to the struggles I ended up facing. I believe the piece demonstrates how constraints can foster creativity and acts as a snapshot of my creative growth, while also highlighting the limitations of my inexperience with the DAW in fully realising my intended result. With more specialised interactive tools and earlier technical preparations could be advantageous for future projects. Ultimately, this journey deepened my understanding of sound as a medium to express complex psychological states, informed by contemporary experimental practices and my personal narrative.​​​​​​